Thursday, November 09, 2006

Are Marriages made in Heaven?

Marriage is just a simple word that we have created for social convenience. In its true sense, it is just 2 people living together for a good company and possibly learn and discover life and be there for each other to lean on in tough times in the adventure. These 2 people lived happily and fine even before the marriage.
If we see a little more deeply into this, a person was living with positive attitude and reached pinnacle in terms of career and personality and he or she is already contributing to family and system before marriage. But why do most of the people complain about marriage.

So when 2 people come together under one roof, Happiness and Joy probably should multiply and become more positive, and in turn more contribution to the society. Everything should double up. But in most of the cases, why do we end up seeing it going in the negative direction, people struggling and losing peace of mind, ending up in turmoil and pain, forcing each other into their erroneous zones, domination and finger pointing.

One quick solution to avoid some of these issues, is to know the person a litle bit more before entering into a relationship. Because, some times, when two people are coming from 2 totally different, cultural, habitual and idealogical background and who are not willing to understand each other's perspectives, it can pretty much become a War Zone. Frankly, no two individuals are the same. Each of them is unique in a certain way. So we got to have some other way of making marriages work then. What is that Magic?

Marriage is a simple equation, "1 + 1 = 2". So when we add 2 things it should increase every thing in a positive way. Infact let's take a deeper look into the equation itself.
The first '1' in the equation represents "Space" and the second '1' represents "Acceptance". These 2 elements are crucial in a relationship. We keep talking about Love and other values, they are all important too, But more importantly Love should lead to the inner feel of Acceptance.
Of course it has to be from both sides. One side Acceptance leads to frustration at some point. That becomes only Adjustment. Marriage is not an adjustment, it is Acceptance.

Giving Space for each other is also very essential. As changes are natural in one's personality and situations, Space allows the other person to adjust to those new personality changes and circumstances outside home. We also have inherent fears and insecurities and these need lot of space and time to dissolve. In an ideal relationship we tenderly allow them to disappear and all this happens with the 2 magic words "Space and Acceptance". We need people doing more self introspection and go a little more deeper into the sense of marriage. Marriage is a Privelege, it is not a Right.

Marriages can be "Heaven on Earth", but it needs understanding and a positive approach from both sides. The people involved need simple things like lot of listening, silence, and observation skills with a compassionate apparoach.

And finally to conclude, Once Swami Vivekananda was siting near a pond and a woman came next to him and asked him, "Swami, what is a marriage?"
Swami took some water in his palm and held it delicately trying to not let the water go away from palm and replied to her "This is marriage".
The woman laughed and asked "what do you mean this marriage? just that water".
Swami replied "If u hold the water too tight by closing your fingers, it will go away. If you keep your fingers loose, the water will drip off. But u need to hold it so sensibly and delicately that it stays" .